Thank you

We use thank you to express gratitude to the drive through attendant, the babysitter for taking good care of our kids, our friends for a kind gesture, and the list goes on.  I am not a good receiver on the larger scale.  Ask my husband.  I always want to be on the giving end of favors and I detest asking people to do things for us.  And, lest you think this a good quality... let me point out the flaws.  God has made it clear that my heart is ugly in this area.

In wanting to always be the giver, I always have the upper hand.  I owe no one a favor... I always try to give more than I've gotten.  I watch other people's children willingly because I know if I need something in return, it will just even things up.  I won't ever be in their debt.  I do kind things for my husband because because when I need help, I won't feel like I owe him or am in any way indebted to him.  In case you are curious: this doesn't do good things for a marriage.

It seemed that my "generosity" with my husband wasn't turning out so well. I would give kind things, and he would do nice things for me.  However, anything he did for me I always tried to minimize because never, never should he out give me.  Never should I feel undeserving of him.  Repeat.

This is pride.  Ugly, me thinking I'm nifty, pride.

And, the Gospel puts a fire hose on my candle of pride.  I write about repentance because it is the most provocative thought for me in regards to the Gospel.  Repentance doesn't wrench God's arm to make him forgive me as if he were withholding it from me.  It is simply receiving what was completed 2000 years ago.  I do not give... I receive.  I receive what has been freely given.  It cost God a great deal, and he gave Jesus freely.  Repentance requires that I am continually reminded that I am receiving an immeasurable gift from God.

Repentance is not my resolve to do better or fix things... it is surrender to the One who has the power to change me, and who has forever won the victory over brokenness.  I can never out give this amazing God, and I just open my arms: "thank you, Father."

In learning to receive something so undeserved (and, I'm always learning), I am learning anew about giving and receiving in life in light of the Gospel.  Generosity is not bound by the limits of keeping my "upper hand" status, it is transformed by the Holy Spirit teaching me the Gospel deeply.  It frees me to give generously because I am receiving a gift far more precious than I'll ever give.  So, I live with arms outstretched before the one who gives me life.


"For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God..." Romans 2:8